What do you want to do when you grow up? Who hasn't heard these or similar questions before? It might seem odd, but we first here them when we don't even know how important this question will be one day. The first time someone asked me, I was only in kindergarten and dreamed to do something with animals. As I grew older, I decided to do something cooler and become a mechanic in a formula 1 team. No kidding. And as all my friends had to decide weather they would choose biology or languages as their majors, I deeply wanted to become a marine biologist, so I wouldn't have to start over again in a new class.
And now, eight years after this decision, I owe thanks to my parents for that they didn't let me do that. They realized that I just wanted to choose biology because of my fear to conect with other people and let me tell you - the day I got into my new (Latin) class, I came home crying, thinking, my life was over at only 13.
Well, my life wasn't over. In fact, it only started. The following years, friends, teachers and subjects defined me and made me who I am today. A girl, that is mad about writing, movies, books, culture and exploring all these things beyond the borders of my country.
I stopped watching synced movies when I was 17, just because I thought it was stupid and absolutely not logical to watch them in an other language as the real one. It brought me closer to the characters, the story and let me become a part of it. That's also when I started to get into foreign tv shows and also YouTube.
Just a few months ago, this internet platform celebrated it's fifth birthday and is now the most important social network for vloggers and creative minds from all over the world. If this platform would be a city, I would say that I know my way around. I laugh with Ray William Johnson, JPMetz and Nerimon till I cry, think about life with Meekakitty and am astonished by the music from Meghan Tonjes and Sam Tsui.
You see, I opened my door for a lot of people, but for a very strange reason, I always kept it shut for two guys: Hank and John Green, the Vlogbrothers. A few days ago I finally opened my door and let these two lovely nerds into my life and regret that I haven't done it before.
The internet is a fascinating thing. We have access to information, books, movies, music and people. We can sit face to face and talk to people that are thousand miles away and it feels like, they're just around the corner. Sometimes at YouTube, you see people that have something special, a glow and passion for what they do. People from whom you know that they have the ability to change something.
That was the feeling I had with John and Hank. It's not only the unique way thay they make their videos - as if they were chatting with eachother - but more the things what they say. Just listening to Hank talking about becoming father or worrying about first kisses proved to me, that he really cared about the people he talks to. The moment I had finished a few of their videos, I became a Nerdfighter, a person, that tries to do awesome things and just live life and enjoy it.
But there was one thing about the Vlogbrother videos, that touched me deeply. As I strolled through John's videos I came to the story of Esther Earl, a YouTuber, blogger and first and foremost, also a Nerdfighter that wanted to make this world a little more awesome.
Her videos were funny, full of energy and made with that much creativity and passion, that it gave me back my hope in the modern teenagers. But Esther wasn't allowed to be a normal teenager and turn the world into a more awesome place when she graduated. Esther was diagnosed with cancer and died in August of 2010, when she was only 16.
I felt angry, because such an amazing girl was taken from the world so early. I felt sad, because she conected with you through her videos and greeted you as a friend. Allthough I have never met her, I felt as if I had lost something too.
Now, months after Esther had left this world, I really wished that I would have watched the Vlogbrothers earlier and had the chance to write her, how inspiring she is. I can't even put all these words together, to describe how much I honor her for what she did. Despite beeing sick, she always had a smile on her face and she never gave up fighting. "I'm not defeated yet.", was what she had said in one of her last videos and Esther, let me tell you, even though you aren't with us anymore, you still haven't been defeated.
Your channel, your tweets, your comments, your blogs and for most, the people that you have inspired, will live on and continue to spread all the things that were important to you.
You will live on. Your star won't get out. Never.
That's the part of the blog where I want everyone else to look at their lives. We have so much ahead of us, so many possibilities, so much time. Time, that Esther didn't have, but still lived to the fullest. I think that we need to be a little bit more like Esther and start living our life with all that we've got. Of course, there will always be hard times, but defeating these hard times, or even finding the good in these hard times and not letting yourself get down is what makes life worth living and fighting for.
Do it like Esther. Never give up.
In loving memory of Esther Earl, Rest in Awesome.
